Boyfriends - growing up

My first proper boyfriend (M) was several years older than me, he was nice and I felt very grown up going out with him. He was nice to me but his mates thought I was a pain as  I was younger than all them. He made me feel special and also very grown up I thought I was in love ....

But here was another guy I liked (P) also who hung about with the same group of friends, he also paid me lots of attention and to be honest I thrived off the fact that they both wanted me and would switch from one to the other regularly depending on how I felt.

I loved kissing as it was a form of closeness, to be honest I wasnt that keen on them touching me but I did it as it was what they expected.... I tended to do a lot of what was expected. M was a lot more caring and gentle whereas P was a bit of a jack the lad and not so caring but I really did like the attention I got, for the first time in my life I felt wanted....

I remember around this time that mum used to have parties at our house every so often but we were not allowed, we were sent to bed promptly and told it was bedtime and that we would be in bother if we came down. Myself and my little sister used to sit on the landing listening to people downstairs, it was always women and usually quite a few of them all giggling etc, occasionally they would want to use mums room to "try something on" so we would run back to our room and hide.

I later came across various "things" in mums room that kind of shocked me sexy underwear and magazines containing pictures of willy looking things which I know know to be sexual aides and having more knowlege it appears my mum was hosting parties for Ann Summers hence all the ladies and the giggling. This did seem strange as like I mentioned before sex was never mentioned in our house....
I think this was why I was so interested in finding out what it was all about.

I also found a lot of magazines in mums room that I would sneak in to peak at, these were not at all like the ones mum had with all the underwear, these showed people with nothing on and had stories in them about people having sex, I suppose I learnt a lot of what I knew from these magazines. If mum would have known I was reading them she would have hit the roof.........

I suppose in this day and age my friends would have called me a tramp, slapper etc but it wasnt like that at all deep down I was just attention seeking ..... and i was getting plenty of attention

I still wasnt really happy though.... something was still missing