Teenager

I dont remember much about my years coming up to a teenager, I remember just haning out with everyone who lived near, mainly the lads.

I started smoking at middle school and used to take a few of my mums in a morning if she was still in bed when I got up, or the odd pound here and there so I could club together with my mates to buy some.

We spent an awful lot of time in the local graveyard, not causing a nuisance or damage just hanging out. It was quiet in the evening so we didnt get any hastle off the grown ups. We would sit and chat, wind each other up or play stupid games.

It was not well lit so there were lots of dark areas where you could hide or go for a snog if you wanted to be on your own. I was mainly seeing M at this time and I remember we used to go there so we could be on our own - he was a few years older than me and some of his mates used to take the micky cos he was hanging out with us. I didnt care I thought he was the bees knees. He was very kind and affectionate to me but I think he also knew this was my weak spot and it meant I let him touch me and at around the age of 13 we had sex for the first time...

Looking back it was pretty horrid we were under a large tree not sure of the name but think it a willow as it sort of hid you from view.
It was very painful and not what I would call a pleasant experience, or pleasurable. It was over very quickly and we didnt use protection he just pulled out near the end... I was living on the edge but wasnt really aware of the bigger picture or consequences.

After that occassion we would often have sex, it was always outside as we didnt really have anywhere we could go. I cant honestly say I enjoyed it at all but it was what boys expected and wanted and if it meant he was my boyfriend then I did it - at least someone wanted me well for now anyway

He obviously told his mates what I had let him do and they used to tease me and flirt with me - I never let any of them near me though. We used to fall our a lot and when we did I would but very upset and stay in my room feeling sorry for myself listening to sad songs over and over again it really depressed me when this happened.

I soon found comfort in the arms of P who was eager to go our with me whenever M dumped me - of course it all came down to sex I can see that now. Back then I thought they just both loved me...

How wrong I was they were just taking advantage of an unhappy young girl who let them do what they wanted to her mistaking it for love...