Scared and alone

Even today I can still remember the day I started my periods - I was 11 years old and have never been so scared or felt so alone.

The facts of life had never been explained to me and I didnt know anything about periods well not really anyway. None of my friends had started theirs as we were young really but as I was quite well developed I suppose thats why I was one of the first.

I had been suffering from stomache pains most of the day that day....

I went to the toilet at school and noticed when I wiped that the toilet paper had a pinkish colour....this didnt look at all normal and did worry me but I carried on as normal. Later when I went again it was now definitely red and I realised it was blood, this really worried me, but as it was nearly the end of school I folded up a load of toilet paper and put it inside my knickers.

I kept going to the loo to make sure it wasnt getting any worse and started to panic as to what was happening and what I was supposed to do - I will speak to mum I thought when she gets home.

I couldnt get her on her own though she was always busy and then when I did I didnt quite know what to say to her...so I waited...and waited...

I sat in bed that evening waiting for her to come up and get ready for bed and when she did I shouted her into my room (by then I had a small room of my own) still not knowing what to say I just showed her the knickers I had been wearing early

Oh she said I will leave you some money in the morning to get something from the shop

What! What! I couldnt believe my ears I was eleven for crying out loud no hug, no explanations nothing.... well what did I expect it was always the same

but what am I supposed to do now?

I asked

use toilet paper and get some pads in morning

was all she had to say and off she went to bed

I was so upset/angry/confused and felt so alone, why didnt I have one of those mum's that hugged you and said oh love never mind its all part of growing up you will be fine. Why didnt she have pads in just in case?

I went to sleep eventually but I have no idea at what time it was. When I woke and had got ready for school etc the next morning, mum had left for work already and left me 50p on the shelf. It was the worst ever visit to the local shop in my life! trying to make sure there was no-one I knew in or gonna walk in as I asked for the sanitary towels. They always put them in a brown paper bag as if they needed to be hidden, so everyone knew what you had bought it was like walking out with a big sign tied round my neck "hey guess what I've started my periods"...

I hated my mum at this point and vowed if I ever had a girl I would never put her through what I had been through.....ever!