Why?

I have lots of unanswered questions but have never managed to get the answers to them....

Why do I feel the way I do?
Why does my mum seem care about my siblings but not me?
Why do men use us for sexual pleasure?
Why did my marraige break down?

the list goes on....... but I dont know if I will ever find the answers.

I think most of my anger and frustrations comes from my family - we are not close, not at all. I can go weeks sometimes months without seeing any of them, infact we moved into our new house in March this year and my sister and brother have still not been to visit!!!!

I have seen them but not that much and only if I make the effort - why should I? why dont they come to me?
more Why's.....

My mum and dad have been once or twice so I guess I should be grateful.

I feel that the root of my problems stems way back to when I was born, or to be precise when I was around 6 months old..... I had an older brother who suddenly and tragically died aged 16months old of meningitis.
As a mother myself I cannot begin to understand what my parents went through it must have been horrid for them - they had lost their son... but what about me?

I think the only explanation is that they were grieving so much I was overlooked, it must have been hard but I was a baby I needed love, I am sure this is why i crave it so much today.